Games Derpshop – Digital Editions

Well, like I said a little while ago, it didn’t take too long for Games Workshop to do something as equally stupid as Codex: Iyanden. But this time, they’re dragging sister company Black Library into the mess as well! Tremendous.

So, what’s their latest marketing scheme?

BEHOLD!

Yes, for the low, low price of £3.49, you can read a few pages of fluff about Space Marine Dreadnoughts on your iPad! Dreadnoughts not your thing? How about £2.99 for less than 15 pages of rehashed fiction about Azrael, the Dark Angels Chapter Master? Or if you think that’s still not to your taste, how about spending 99p for 7 pages of fluff on shuriken catapults AND ARE YOU ACTUALLY FUCKING SERIOUS.

I’m just going to be blunt here; if you buy one of these, you are a moron. An actual goddamn fucking moron who probably shouldn’t be allowed to be responsible for the money you have. I don’t care what your argument or defence; I think you’re a fucking moron, and that is just how it is.

I’ve no doubt there are people out there who want to know a bit about certain aspects of the 40k universe. It’s a huge setting, and there’s a lot to take in. But for the love of all that is holy, if you want people to learn about some stuff, just have a proper fucking background fluff section on the main GW website. Don’t charge people money for a few pages of half-arsed, rehashed fiction and art. The limited range confuses me too. You could knock together one of these “products” (and I am being teeth-bleedingly generous to use that term) in five minutes; why not have ten Index Astartes articles, right off the bat? There’s loads of special characters, why not fifteen or twenty Warlords of the Dark Millenium, rather than Azrael, all by himself? As for guns and wargear, 40k is packed full of awesome iconic stuff shit like vortex grenades, chainswords, and Terminator armour, and the two premier Munitorum titles are for the fucking shuriken catapult and Eldar long rifle?

You know what? I’m going to be nice. I’m going to save you readers a whopping total of £11.95. Below is a list of links to Lexicanium  for…

Codex Astartes

Dreadnoughts  (including variants such as the Contemptor, Furioso, Mortis, and Ironclad)

Azrael

Shuriken catapults

Eldar long rifle

You want art? There’s this thing called Google Image search. Enjoy.

You know the thing that makes me really angry about this whole thing? This just utterly reeks of half-arsed bullshit. Yeah, the advert says “Every Monday”. I’ll give that a few months before they realise that people aren’t buying shoddy products and scrap the whole thing.

You know what would be amazing? A proper dedicated background book for each race. Then the Codex doesn’t need to be padded out, and can be made smaller and cheaper. If hardcore gamers only care about their army’s gimmick (“Marines are power-armoured elites, Eldar are psychic space-elves, Daemons will make you regret getting into this hobby in the first place”, etc) then that can be a few pages in the Codex. For people who care more about the fluff, they’ll gladly hand over money for a nice hardback 100+ page book that details the Fall of the Eldar, or the Horus Heresy, or the awakening of the Necron Dynasties, accompanied by the glorious artwork that GW present. And I think that’s ultimately the problem I have with these new digital products; GW have created a sci-fi setting that I love, but the way they handle it in terms of the accompanying game and products borders on lunacy. And people put up with it, and I have no idea why.

Urgh.

Gareth 

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